O.k. as I have mentioned many times C started a new job on Feb. 17th...now, I knew for a fact it would keep him away from home WAY more than his last job...he/we were spoiled with the schedule from his last job, he worked from home most of the time, and when he was here he wasn't heavily involved with work for the most part.., but I digress. Now, this new job keeps him away both physically and mentally close to 60 hours a week. I appreciate and respect his efforts, it's just that I can see the writing on the wall...I will be a career widow, meaning husband so wrapped up in career that he simply does not have the time for his family. C is a wonderful guy, he's an overacheiver actually, and like I said, I have nothing but love and respect for him. Well, now that he's hardly ever around (and when he is, he's either working, or on the phone with work) I really, really want to be close to my family. I want to spend time w/ my grandparents, and my mom.....(they live in 2 different towns). I just feel isolated here, even though I do have a few friends.....I still feel isolated. Now, keep in mind, I have pretty much put myself on bedrest for the most part (b/c of my huge, freakish belly) so I really don't have the energy or motivation to do much outside of laying in bed or on the couch. I know this phase will pass, I do...but what if it doesn't. I mean, what if Cory's schedule continues to take him away from us (me and L0la) more and more? Will we grow apart? Will we still "know" each other...or even want to "know" each other? I also realize that he's only been in this position for 2 months, but it's getting worse. They have expanded his territory big time, and they just want ALL of his time....even at night, and on Sundays sometimes (he hasn't done a Sunday thing yet thought...thank god)...Yesterday he told me he is going to get so much "shit" from his boss if he can't go to M1ami this month....get shit??? What the fuck? He's going to get shit if he can't leave on a plane and go completely across the country b/c he's waiting for his baby to be born? Give me a break! If a boss/manager whatever, doesn't understand and respect that, I say -- fuck 'em...especially since he told them he had a pregnant wife at home who is due sometime between March 30-May 3rd (that is 37 weeks preg to 42 weeks) the day of his interview.

At any rate, he is stressing, I am stressing and it's just an all around bad scene.

Am I being selfish? Or unfair? I don't feel like I am. I'm not expecting Cory to quit his job, I'm just expecting to be closer to my family b/c I feel like I don't really have anyone without C....afterall, he's the reason I'm in this fucked up town anyway.

I also don't want to take him away from the things he loves and deserves to do....playing music. Tomorrow night he'll go to practice, and Friday night he'll be playing a gig. So, you see, I really don't get much time with him anymore.....my biggest fear I guess is to grow apart....I know I'll be as close as can be w/ L0la, but will Cory be close with us? Will he have time? Or energy? You know a person can only do so much before they experience a breaking point. I am going to try HARD not to put any additional pressure on him...but if I let this build and build w/out talking to him then I may just blow up someday and that would suck.

I think I'd be happier in another town..the same town as my mom is in. Afterall, if we lived there, C would be just as close to most of his territory as he is here..well, with the exception of L.A.

Enough about this for right now. I gotta think about it, and then I may bring it up to him. It's a sticky situation....oh god, I just thought of something...if I'm this freakin' depressed now, imagine my post pardum period!!! Fuck.

Ok...today was uneventful, I tried to take it as easy as possible. I'm getting bored, but there isn't much I can do about it really. Can't go anywhere alone, b/c I feel like I constantly need help with one thing or another. I have a couple of websites that I need to work on, so maybe I'll concentrate some of my energy on that for a while.