Yesterday I was experiencing something that I had not yet experienced, and of course I was on high alert the entire day. I was getting what is called "braxt0n h1cks" contractions. These are typically not signs of early labor. Pretty much it is the sensation of your uterus working out, flexing it's muscles, preparing for the work out of it's life. But, me being me, I didn't know what to think of these contractions when I started to feel them yesterday. They didn't hurt, it just felt like I swallowed a bowling ball. Normally [for me, up until now] my belly is certainly big, but it's not rock hard, it's plyable, if you poke it, it's got some play in it, I can feel the curves of the baby. But when I get these contractions, all I can feel is big, hard, round uterus, no baby, just a hard ball that puts more than normal pressure on my insides. So, naturally I feel some concern over these new sensations.

So, I call my doctor at around 5:15 last night, just hoping that he would ease my mind. He was gone for the day, so the nurse told me to go to the hospital to make sure it wasn't preterm labor. WHAT!! The hospital, already? Naturally I get scared., but I follow her instructions [after attempting to call anyone I know who's ever had a baby--I just felt like I was bothering people]..C takes me to the hospital, we walk into labor and delivery and there are about 20 nurses hanging around the nurses station just staring at me. I tell them what the situation is, and the head nurse looks at me as if I'd just walked in and said something in Chinese or something. She then says, "you are going to have to go to the waiting room, and we'll call you IF we get any room for you"...didn't ask my name or anything!

So we sat in the waiting room for about 1/2 hour and I got to feeling guilty for taking up the time of the hospital staff so I told C I wanted to go home.

I felt/feel totally guilty for even being concerned! I mean, there are women who are REALLY in labor, or having problems in their pregnancy...I'm just worried about something that is probably normal.

Damn it.

I feel guilty if I'm too sore to get up and do things for myself., I feel guilty if I can't stand close enough to the sink to do the dishes, I feel guilty for asking C to rub my feet or legs.....I hate this feeling!

I guess in times like these, the only people you feel like you can really "bother" and they don't mind is your mom and your grandmother. At least that's the way I feel. I feel like everyone else is thinking, "you can do things, you aren't dying, you aren't bed ridden....do things for yourself...what are you lazy?"

Oh well, I'm going to let this go, otherwise it will drive me crazy all day today.

I wish I could update more.... but I just never feel much like it.